


The Other Side of Midnight

by LieselAckerman



Series: Midnight [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 104th Training Corps - Freeform, Child Abandonment, Dad Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Multi, Rating May Change, Reader-Insert, Sexual Content, Titan Shifters, Titans, Uncovered Lies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:31:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9252593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LieselAckerman/pseuds/LieselAckerman
Summary: Having no recollection of her past except for a cold winter night, her mother, and a man in a light brown jacket; (F/N) Ackerman joins the Survey Corps in hopes of piecing together her past.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Attack on Titan or any of Isayama's characters nor do I own the song lyrics used. I only own the original characters presented later on and the fanfiction itself. Yep. Definitely nothing shady going on here…

    My mother's departure had been by far the most unceremonious event of my life.

    Though I was hardly two at the time, I vividly remember my mother's placid face the night she bid me farewell. All of my childhood before that point is lost on me.

    I'd been lying in my bed for a while unable to sleep, watching the flurries of snow dance outside of my window. Mother had sent me off to bed early when a man in a bronze jacket appeared at our door. I remember hearing their raised voices and her pleas before he abruptly left.

    For what felt like hours, I lied there waiting. Waiting for her to come in and tell me everything was okay and sing me to sleep.

    The door finally did creak open and mother creeped into the room as quietly as she could. I fought the urge to turn and look at her, instead choosing to pretend that I was asleep.

    A small chuckle escaped her lips as she sat down beside me. "(F/N)," she whispered my name in a soothing tone, stroking my (H/C) hair. "I know you're awake."

    I smiled, snapping my head back to look at her. The moon danced in her cool, honey eyes as she wrapped her arm around me, pulling me close. I turned my head back, resting my cheek against the pillow. A yawn left my mouth and I closed my eyes.

_On the wind,_  
Across the sea  
Hear this song and remember

    The memory of that night plays in my mind as a fifteen meter abnormal Titan holds me in its grasp. It stares at me, not with the typical wild eyes of any other Titan - even Eren, for that matter - but with a calm gaze.

    Quite ironic. _Be at peace while I devour you._

    Tears involuntarily stream down my face. It's night and I'm on the wrong side of the walls. Captain Levi isn't here to save me this time. Neither is Commander Erwin or Eren or Reiner. I'm all alone.

    Hot, putrid breath fills my nostrils as the Titan draws me closer to its mouth. Without lips, it appears to be smiling. Flat incisors fill the jaws; the blood of my comrades staining the yellow teeth. Thick, sticky saliva extends as its mouth opens more and more.

    If the beast holds me any tighter, I will explode.

    Slowly, as if it'll give me a few seconds more to live, I look into the eyes of my predator again. It's long black hair kisses my face as it continues to stare with its large ebony orbs.

    Why doesn't it just eat me already? Does it feel joy in watching my fear? The fear that until now I didn't know existed?

_Soon you'll be  
Home with me_

    She planted a gentle kiss on my cheek. I was already half asleep.

    The last thing I heard was the light clicking noise the door made as it closed, sealing me to my night's slumber.

    In the morning, she was gone. Only the memory of the night before remains. Nothing more.

_Things my heart used to know  
Things it yearns to remember_

    I grow closer to its mouth with every millisecond. This is really it! I'm finally going to die after all of my recklessness! This is the end!

    No! I force the thoughts from my head.

    It was my decision to join the Survey Corps. It was my choice to give away my equipment to save someone else.

    Death over life was my choice. And it is a choice that even into death, I will not regret.


	2. Chapter One

    White flakes of frozen water shimmers down from the gray sky onto the straw-like grass that covers the training fields. The cadets pay little attention to it as they continue to practice their hand to hand combat. Daddy stands watching with his usual stoic face, most likely clicking his tongue at each of them.

    Giggling, I press my face to the glass and make a face, waiting for him to look my way.

    "You know, I don't think your father would be happy about you dirtying his window," a strong, monotonous voice speaks from the doorway. I gasp and jump away from the window, the sudden sound scaring me. Whipping around, I am quick to notice the missing mustache and beard and frown, coming to the realization that he is not Mike Zacharias but rather the freshly promoted Commander Erwin Smith.

    I feel the heat drain from my cheeks as I scowl at him, turning my attention back to the scene outside. "You can just leave whatever it is on the desk. He'll see it," I dismiss him. Rather than seeing the short man who takes care of me, there is no one.

    "Oi, brat, get your filthy hands off of the window," he says cooly from behind me. Commander Smith chuckles slightly from his seat in front of Daddy's desk and my face heats up again.

    Ever since I was seven, when Daddy brought me here from the orphanage in Wall Sina and I met the Erwin, I've despised him. I feel that he is selfish in the way that he so willingly sends people to be fed to the titans beyond the walls. He has no emotions or any humanlike qualities and is seemingly aware of it. For that, I hate him.

    I sit in the chair next to the Commander, swinging my legs. In my father's steely eyes, I see some type of emotion that I'm not familiar with. He masks it immediately though, narrowing his eyes at me.

    "Don't you have something to go clean? I'm sure your room is filthy," he frowns at me. This is his way of telling me to leave. Sending the Commander one final glare, I saunter off to my room.

    "It will be time for her to go soon," I hear Erwin say to my father. Without even being in the room, I know that there is a glare fixed on his face.

    I had often asked him about enlisting when I was bored while sitting helping him with his paperwork. Each and every time he would either shoot me a look to let me know that I've said something stupid or he would tell me that my question was not worthy of a response.

    While this didn't at all deter my desire to follow in his footsteps, I understand why he is so adamantly against it. I've seen the mountain of bodies piled up in the carts whenever an expedition has concluded. Those who did manage to survive more than likely had limbs missing. All were traumatized. All except Erwin Smith, of course.

    "She knows how I feel about that, but ultimately it's her choice."

    If the Commander wants to continue with his questions, he does not. They instead discuss the contents of the paperwork brought in. They speak only for a few more minutes before Commander Smith takes his leave. Not wasting any time, I rush back to my seat in front of my father. Wordlessly, he picks up his pen and begins his work.

    "I finished cleaning my already clean room," I declare, crossing my arms. "Can we go now?"

    "No," he shoots down, barely allowing me to finish my question.

    "But you promised! You said that when you finished with the cadets, you'd take me to go practice-"

    "Not now, (F/N), I'm busy," he again answers, not bothering to look at me. Instead, he takes a small stack of papers from the stack before him and offers them to me. With an audible sigh, I take them along with a pen and start.

    For what seems like hours, I sit in the leather chair writing everything that he dictates for me to. It appears that we're doing the work of the Commander.

    By the time we are nearly finished, the sun is beginning to set. My stomach growls lowly and I cough to attempt to cover the awkward sound. Before he has the chance to click his tongue at me or say something nasty, I open my mouth to speak.

    "What if I joined the military?"

  
    Though my question is only a hypothetical - or maybe just to make conversation, I'm not really sure - I'm quite curious if he'll give me the same answer that he gave Commander Smith earlier.

    "Tch, he sounds, closing the folder containing all of his work. He narrows his eyes at me momentarily before standing and walking towards the door.

    I follow like a lost puppy.

    "Regardless of how many times I try to dissuade you; no matter how many times you see the mangled bodies of those of us who go beyond the walls, you'll always want to go and see for yourself," he begins, walking down the halls with me to go eat. His expression is stormy, and yet at the same time calm. "Enlisting is a choice that you'll have to make for yourself. Whether or not you like it once you're there...that's something you'll just have to live with."

    I sit down at a table with my father away from the cadets. We eat our soup and drink our tea in complete silence, the hot liquid slowly running down my throat to my stomach and giving me a warm feeling in contrast to the coolness surrounding me. Soon, his squad enters. I hear Petra and Olou bicker amongst one another as he attempts to casually mimic my father. Eld, surprisingly even speaking at all, interjects something that causes both to silence. Gunther only hints a smile.

    Glancing up from my soup, I meet the amber eyes of the only female in the Special Operations squad. A bright, friendly smile graces her features as she lifts her hand in a wave at me. Distaste fills my being.

    Petra Ral, and I am certain, has a crush on my father. I've not figured out yet whether or not he knows.

    Much to my annoyance, she takes a seat right next to father with the same stupid grin on her face. Olou sits across from her beside me while Eld and Gunther sit across each other.

    A seemingly massive hand presses down on my head roughly, messing up my hair.

    "Don't touch me," I whisper, barely audible. A smug smirk falls onto his duck-like face.

    "What was that, kid? I didn't-"

    "Why do you always have to be such a pest?" Petra asks in my defense. I notice her glance at me for a split second, searching for approval that she won't ever get. "She established already that she doesn't like you."

    Daddy clicks his tongue at that and I smile in an almost proud way. From the first time that I'd met the fool, I'd vocalized my dislike of him. On several occasions I told him that directly, though he most likely took it with face value; a young child just throwing insults. Little did he know, I meant it with all of my heart.

    And then, as if to rescue me from my feelings, waltzes in the Commander. These are the only times that I'm happy to see him because I know that Squad Leader Mike will be here within the minute.

    And I'm not wrong. Mike Zacharias walks in exactly forty-two seconds after Erwin with the titan-lover Hange Zoë. He wears his usual calm expression as she nearly shouts in his ear about her latest testing subjects, Chikachironi and Albert. Almost as if to encourage her excitement, he offers a nod here and an occasional sound or word. When he turns to find his seat, his brown eyes meet mine and my heart flutters.

    "(F/N)!" Hanji's loud voice erupts, loud enough to make everyone cover their ears. She jumps excitedly, rushing towards my table. My father narrows his eyes and watches her while still sipping his tea.

    "(F/N)! Albert and Chikachironi miss you! Why don't you come with me to visit them after dinner?" She eyes me expectantly as if her life depends on my saying yes.

    "I feel that isn't exactly a good thing..."

    Latching onto my arm, she attempts pull me out of my seat but is swatted by my father before she can. "What the hell do you think you're doing, shitty glasses?"

    Her large eyes widen through her glasses as she clasps her hands together excitedly. "Do you want to come too, shorty?"

    "I'll be careful," I promise him before he can respond to her. Taking my hand again, Hanji drags me like a child to where she has the two monsters tied down. Albert, a six meter titan with light brown hair and blue almost grey eyes, is nailed down with ropes holding down his neck. His eyes are half-lidded but then widen as Hanji steps before him.

    Chikachironi is completely attentive, making a strange noise. The ropes that hold him creak.

    "You remember (F/N), don't you?" She asks in a sing-song voice to Albert, stepping a little too close. As if it understands what she's asked, the beast's eyes flash to me with an indisputable desire to eat me.

    Until the sun has finally gone down, she talks at length about her research and the experiments that she's begun to conduct on the two titans. It's all but clear that Chikachironi is her favorite and she often refers to both of them like she would a human. Her antics are intriguingly terrifying.

    When they've both become too lethargic, she sends me off back to Daddy's office. The bitterly cold air nips at my nose unforgivingly. Dreading having to remove my hand from the warmth of my pocket, I quickly raise my hand and knock twice on the door.

    "Name and business," he states cooly.

    "(F/N) Ackerman," I sigh. "I live here."

    "Tch," I hear him as he shuffles to the door. My teeth chatter uncontrollably as I wait, balling my hands into fists in an attempt to keep them semi-warm. When he finally decides to open the door, after standing there for nearly five minutes, I'm met by his dull blue eyes. To anyone else, his expression would appear to be his usual indifference but I know him well enough to know better.

    Cautiously, I slide past him and into the much warmer office. "You don't have to say anything," I start with a smile. "The look said it all."

    "Brat," he insults with a hint of a smirk. I feel my smile fall though as I turn to see him removing his jacket. It doesn't usually bother me, seeing that same light brown jacket hundreds of times everyday, but it suddenly does. My mind draws back to that night so many years ago to the glimpse of that same jacket. The same jacket with that same patch.

    "What?" I hear him ask after a while, gazing up at me from his unfinished paperwork. I realize that I've been staring.

    "So... I have your approval with the whole enlisting thing?" I suddenly ask, taking a couple of steps across the room towards his desk. His eyes fall back down and he nods solemnly.

    Excitement swells my being as I flounce away towards my room. When the snow finally goes away and gives way to spring, I'll be able to enlist in the Training Corps.

    I'll be one step closer to finding that man.


	3. Chapter Two

"Perfect. That's everything," I sigh with a grin on my face as I place a final shirt into my bag. No sooner than the snow of the winter had begun to melt, I'd enlisted and tomorrow I'll be off to the Training Corps.

Hange Zoë smiles almost as much as I do as we all sit in Daddy's office drinking tea. "Time just flew by! It feels like it was just yesterday when Shorty brought you here from Wall Sina."

At her words, all of the momentary excitement I've been feeling is blown away and replaced by an almost unreal void.

Bringing up my being in Wall Sina brings back horrible memories for me. When the Military Police raided my house, after my mother had already abandoned me in the night, I was thrown into the only orphanage in the inner most wall. I had only a black shirt to remember her by and even that was eventually taken from me.

Being only two years old at the time, I wasn't able to defend myself against the other kids and so I'd went without most of the time. It went on that way for five years until my adoptive father, Levi Ackerman, came and adopted me.

Sensing my discomfort, the scientist gasps loudly as if she's just thought of something. Taking my shoulders in her hands, she shakes me. (H/C) hair falls into my (E/C) eyes. "What branch are you going to join?"

While not truly interested in our conversation, my daddy looks up from his tea for a long moment, his eyes piercing mine. I'm sure that he knows without even needing to ask that I want to join him in the Scout Regiment. Despite all of the mangled bodies I've seen from those who actually have made it back from an expedition, I'd still like to go outside of the walls.

"The Scouts, of course! I wouldn't ever even consider the others."

"Tch."

Hanji stands and stretches before walking to the door. She pushes her glasses up from the bridge of her nose. "When you graduate and join, you can start helping me with my titan experiments. How'd you like that?"

Before I can respond, she waves a goodbye and awkwardly dashes out.

"Maybe I can be Humanity's Second Strongest after then, hm?" I smirk and walk behind his desk. Squatting next to him, I wrap my arm around his. Immediately he turns and scowls at me, though does not pull away.

"You're not going to join the Scouts," he speaks in a quiet voice, as if weakly attempting to persuade himself of this.

This is the first time in my life that I've ever heard him sound anything less than confident.

"What do you mean?" I stifle a laugh. "Of course I am. We've been waiting for this since forever."

With his free arm, he picks up his teacup and takes a sip before continuing his work as if I'm not there. As I keep staring at him, he looks back my way and sighs.

"Nothing that I can say will change your mind, will it?"

My heart pangs. "Why would you want to?"

"I've never sheltered you from the results of the Scout Regiment's expeditions. You think that you can handle what we see out beyond the walls, but you really can't. There's a difference between witnessing titans firsthand and witnessing-"

"Yes, but-"

"No matter how skilled of a soldier you think you are, death is constantly knocking at your door," he lectures me as his voice grows in volume. "The outside of these walls are far too dangerous and you know that because you've seen proof. However," he pauses, shutting his steely blue eyes, "too often is there not even a body to bring back. You think that you can handle the horrors of those animals, but you can't."

"Yes I can! I'm strong," I protest, standing up from my squatting position at his side. My blood has already begun to boil. "I can. And on the slim chance that I can't, you'll be there-"

"No you can't, (F/N)!" He yells. Something in him has set off like a cannon. There is a pain in his eyes that I can't quite understand. "I cannot protect you outside of these walls and you have to be protected. My answer is no, you can't join me in the Scout Regiment."

I huff, not wanting to give up so easily. "It was a statement, not a question," I reply coolly. "And I don't need your protection. I'm capable of defending myself. You taught me that-"

"I said fucking no, _Shizuka_!"

Shizuka - a name that has no significance to me whatsoever. This is the third time he's called me this since my adoption. Each time, I'd ask him about whoever this was. Of course, I've never received an answer other than an old friend of his.

Seeing my expression change, his softens as well.

"I have something for you," he speaks gently. Reaching into a drawer in his desk, he pulls out a medium sized box. Looking at it for a moment, as if it's a memory of his past that he'd long forgotten, he hands over the box to me.

"What is it?" I question, trying my damnedest to sound angry. Removing the lid, I reveal a crisp black ascot. A smile can't help but break out onto my face and all of my anger dissipates.

"Do you recall that rag that you brought with you from the orphanage?"

"Rag?" I repeat him. By habit, I lift the accessory to my nose and sniff it. I half expect it to smell of jasmine as the shirt once had, though am not surprised to discover that it does not. "It is a shirt. Her shirt."

Ever so slightly, the corner of his mouth twitches up in a smile before his permanent frown returns. "Well, since you obviously can't cart a old shirt around everywhere with you, I thought you'd like to have this. Also because I know that you want to be like me."

"Despite the inaccuracy of that statement," I roll my eyes, "thank you for this."

Holding my gaze for only a moment longer, he returns to his work. We sit in a deafening silence for a long while. Only the sound of his pen scratching against his papers can be heard.

Abruptly, he tosses the pen down and turns to face me. "(F/N)-"

"You're going to have to accept this, Daddy," I cut him off with a stern voice. He narrows his eyes in his usual manner, clearly wanting to protest my resolution. "I'm not a little girl anymore. You have to trust that you've taught me what I needed to know up until this point. And," my hand reaches for his, "you have to believe in me."

With little effort, he pulls me up into a tight hug, kissing my forehead.

"...You'll always be my little brat."


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Eren's dialogue was taken from the anime as well as majority of Sasha's and I don't own it. Still nothing shady going on...

Despite no longer being forced to come face to face with the creatures that lurk beyond Wall Rose, former Commander Keith Shadis has not been done justly by the time that has passed since his departure from the Survey Corps.

He stands with his hands held behind his back with a distasteful scowl on his face. Each time his wide eyes move onto someone their complete fear and discomfort can be felt. Some of the other cadets force themselves to appear stoic and uncaring though it's clear that it is a facade.

Finally taking a step forward, he looms over a boy with almost long blonde hair and concentrated blue eyes. He fight back terror as the taller man opens his mouth to speak.

"Hey you! Who the hell are you?"

"Armin Arlert from Shiganshina, sir!"

My face draws into an immediate scowl before I can stop it. Why in the name of all of the walls would someone give their child such an atrocity of a name?

Apparently, Shadis thinks so as well and voices such before eventually moving on. He skips over a girl with long satin-like black hair and a boy with an impressive glare before stopping at a short girl with shoulder length blonde hair.

"And who the hell are you supposed to be, maggot?"

Squeezing her hand into an even tighter fist behind her back, she yells, "Rose Romano from Trost District, sir!"

"Why are you here?" He asks, unimpressed by her presentation of herself.

"I want to serve humanity and fight for its freedom back by joining the scouts!" She yells, green eyes sparkling with desire. Scanning her over one more time, he makes a sound to prove his disapproval. "You'll make good titan fodder."

As he moves away from her, she looks down at her feet as if she's about to cry. She bites her lip as it quivers beneath her teeth.

Just then do I notice a tall figure standing before me. Looking down, his green eyes bore into my (E/C) orbs with aggravation. Quickly falling into a salute, I keep the frown on my face and blink, waiting for him to speak first. It's all but clear that he knows exactly who I am.

"What are you supposed to be, runt?" He snarls, narrowing his eyes at me. I match his expression. "(F/N) Ackerman from-"

"It doesn't matter. You're not even good enough to use as titan bait. They wouldn't even bother trying to eat you."

I bite my lip in anger as he starts to walk away. "With all due respect, _sir_ ," I speak, unable to contain myself, "perhaps that's why you always managed to make it back from beyond Wall Maria-"

A unreal pain crashes down on me like a wave, though I don't dare to step away or flinch. Instead, I match his terrifying gaze for what seems like a thousand years before a munching sound catches both of our attentions. Turning around, I watch in horror as a tall brown haired girl aggressively devours a potato. As if forgetting about our stand off, he strides over to the girl. Even as he looms over her, she continues to chew.

"Hey, you there," he calls lowly. "What do you think you're doing?"

Looking around as if for confirmation that he is, in fact, speaking to her, she looks back up at him. She's not at all intimidated as she takes another bite.

Every soul in the yard looks over at the two as he screams into her face. When she eventually answers his question after swallowing and introduces herself. "Sasha Braus from the village of Dauper in Wall Rose, sir, at your service!"

In a low growl, he asks her what it is she has in her hand in which she loudly shouts her choice of food.

Taking the chance to look around again, I see the shocked faces of hundreds of cadets. Each have exhaled their breaths of fear and watch as Instructor Shadis screams at the girl.

Rather than seeing them as my peers though, I see them for what they're to become - titan food.

* * *

When Instructor Shadis finally relieves me of my punishment, endless laps around the the grounds, the sun has already begun to set. In the distance, carts loaded with dropouts roll away up a steep back towards the settlement. I watch without pity. Those too weak to withstand such a training deserve nothing better than to work the fields until they die. They deserve a dishonorable fate.

Walking back to the girl's dorm, I sigh heavily and sit on my trunk. Everyone else has already left for the mess hall, which means that the showers should be empty. Removing my jacket, I decide in favor of bathing before going to eat.

As the hot water runs from my hair to my feet, my mind drifts to the upcoming expedition of the Survey Corps. For this expedition, the commander is going to be trying a new tactic to attempt to evade titans. Of course, this is completely ideal, but it can easily go up in smoke if the weather turns sour. If this was the case, it would put Daddy in danger.

Stepping out and drying off, I quickly throw on a white tank top and a black shirt over my undergarment and start my walk towards the dining room. When I enter, I see nearly fifteen people surrounding a table in the middle.

"Yeah, I saw it," the boy from earlier with the glare boasts. Everyone around him gasps in either horror or astonishment.

"How big was it?"

"Big enough to see over the wall."

"I heard it _stepped_ over the wall," a girl with pigtails remarks, her eyes wide with wonder.

Clicking my tongue, I take a roll of bread and sit by myself at a table. In the table in front of me, a boy with ashy brown hair and golden-brown eyes. He watches the spectacle out of the corner of his eye while resting his head on his palm.

To my right is a tall brown eyed boy with matching ebony eyes. His gaze stays glued down to his watery soup as he stirs it with his spoon. Sitting in front of him is a bulky blond. His golden eyes flash up and meet mine after a while of my staring but I do not look away. A smirk befalls his lips.

"Um, do you mind if I sit with you?" A tight feminine voice speaks to me. I am forced to look away and meet her with a hard glare. Large green eyes widen in surprise as she takes a step back.

"What?" I ask, hinting annoyance.

"I-I just, um, I just wanted to see if it would be okay with you if I sat here," she informs me. When I don't respond in time, she continues to explain herself. "It's just that, I don't really know anyone here and I don't have anyone to sit with. You were sitting all alone over here and I just thought that-"

"I don't care," I speak matter-of-factly. Though I did mean to come off a bit blunt, I don't mean to sound like as rude as I do. Letting a sigh escape my lips, I gesture towards the bench on the other side of the table. "Sit."

The two of us awkwardly eat our food in silence. Occasionally, I'll glance to my right to see if the blond boy is looking at me once more, but he never does.

"I'm Rose by the way," the blonde haired girl sitting before me whispers barely audibly. She gently places her spoon down and looks at me expectantly.

Glancing up, my mind rolls back to earlier when she nearly started crying because of what Instructor Shadis had said to her. "Romano? The girl who wept because leather-skinned Shadis said that the titans are going to eat you?"

"Oh," she blushes and hangs her head in shame. "Please don't remind me of that. I tried-"

"Are you talking about me?" The brown-haired boy with the glare shouts at the one with the ashy hair. Only briefly does he look surprised before standing and joining the other in a standoff.

"Tch. Fucking clowns," I mutter, standing up. Rose quickly downs the rest of her soup and follows. Just as we step out, the bell rings to signal the end off dinner. Wordlessly, we walk down the corridors to the girl's dorm. My wet (H/L) (H/C) tries to stick to my face as the wind gently. Rose toys with a lock of her own, desperately wanting to open her mouth and speak but fearing of my backlash. We get to the dorm and I quickly move to a place near my trunk to rest my head. She takes a spot near mine.

"Tomorrow, they're going to see if we can stay upright for the ODM gear. Are you nervous at all?"

"Not at all," I scoff, stretching out my long legs. "I already know how to use the 3D maneuvering equipment. I have for a very long time. This test will be one of the easiest things I've ever done." Laying on my stomach, I close my eyes to block out the chatter of the girls starting to come in.

"Oh, well goodnight then," she bids in a timid manner, as if something is bothering her. I do not respond to her silent plea for more interaction.

As my consciousness begins to leave me, I dream of my mother calling my name adoringly as she once had.

_"(F/N), (F/N), (F/N)…"_

She holds out delicate porcelain arms to me for me to wrap myself in, but as soon as she is within my grasp, she disappears.


	5. Chapter Four

"He's Reiner Braun," Rose's mousy voice jars me from my thoughts.

I nod and continue to watch the bulky blond as he sways in the wind, held in midair by the wires of the equipment. He holds his hands out as if to steady himself while dourness plasters his face. The two others from the same hometown as him, Annie Leonhart and Bertolt Hoover, watch stoically while the others in our group congratulate and praise him.

I cross my arms in indifference. "So? What's your point?" I ask. She bites her lip bashfully and looks back to the instructors as they lower him back down to the ground. Another goes up in his place an immediately starts flailing her arms about before toppling over.

"Nothing. I just thought you were curious as to who he is."

"Thanks, but-"

"Ackerman! You're up!" The unmistakeable voice of Instructor Shadis yells. A sigh escapes my mouth as I step forward to take my aptitude test. With the ropes tied around my waist, I cross my arms to express my defiance as one of the instructors starts to move the crank. Slowly, I feel my feet part from the dirt beneath them.

Shadis narrows his intimidating eyes at me and I do the same. More and more people gather around and stare at me. Rose's light colored eyes widen in astonishment and she smiles as if she's been presented citizenship in Wall Sina.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the inseparable trio from Shiganshina watching me. The boy with the blond hair searches my figure as if to uncover the trick to my balance. The girl with the same last name as me stares blankly, her mind elsewhere. The psychotic boy who has decided that he intends to drive out all of the titans stands with his mouth agape in hope.

Neither he nor Rose were able to stay upright. In an act of leniency, Instructor Shadis is allowing them to retry tomorrow. If they fail once more, they'll be dismissed.

"Observe, you halfwits!" Bellows the chief instructor. Those who haven't already come over hurry to do so. "See how steady she is? Notice the absence of hesitation. There's no fear of falling or swaying to keep balance," he praises before turning his back and starting to stride away. "Take notes," he suggests to Rose and the boy. "You could stand to learn a thing or two."

When the excitement begins to die down, I'm released from the equipment. Readjusting my wind tossed (H/C) hair, I wait for Rose to finish her conversation with Sasha Blouse. Just as she waves a goodbye, I feel a large and heavy hand weigh down on my shoulder. Aggravated, I snatch myself away and spin around to glare at the person. To my surprise, I see golden eyes gleaming down into my (E/C) ones.

"Hey, that was an impressive stunt you pulled," he smirks, offering his large hand for me to shake. Naturally, I lift a thick eyebrow at him and shake his hand. His tall companion nearly instinctively comes to his side before being mocked by the blonde haired girl. She looks me over with dull blue eyes, her expression not showing what she may be thinking.

"(F/N), isn't it?"

"Yes," I respond somewhat coolly. Rose, standing a bit away from the four of us, shoots me a glare. Faking a laugh, I smile at the tall recruit. The mood instantly lightens.

"You're Reiner Braun?" I ask a question I already know the answer to. He smiles back, nodding his head. Turning to the side, he gestures towards the taller boy beside him. A bead of sweat rolls down his temple.

"And this is Bertolt. She's Annie," he introduces. Annie lifts her eyes long enough to look into mine before looking away once again. I nod a greeting to them both before looking back at Reiner.

"Sorry if I startled you," he gently chuckles, his hand finding its way behind his head in a sheepish manner. "Anyway, I wanted to see if you and your friend would want to sit with us tonight. You were sitting alone most of yesterday so I-"

Rose briskly steps forward, slightly in front of me. "Of course we would! Thanks!"

Satisfied with the answer despite it not being mine, the trio start walking off in the opposite direction towards the barracks. Rose smiles brilliantly, lost in her own little world of content. In her eyes though, there is a dark look of pending doom.

* * *

 

"Hah…," I sigh. Ever so slowly and carefully, I draw my knife gently across my forehead. I apply only the slightest amount of pressure as the edge of the blade cuts the multitude of small hairs in my brow. I move across the entire eyebrow as steadily as possible. One small mistake and I may have to cut it completely off.

"Hey (F/N), you ready?" A sudden loud voice makes me jump and cut too far down, drawing dots of blood. Before she can even get into the room well, she pauses mid sentence and stares at me.

"Um, what are you doing?"

"Tch, what an idiot," I mutter under my breath and sigh again. "Well I was trying to manage my eyebrows but now they're ruined. Thanks for that, Romano."

Gasping as loud as possible, she rushes to my side. "I am so sorry! I didn't know-"

I hold a finger up to silence her so that I can continue. Though they'll be permanently arched, they won't be ridiculously big anymore. Finishing the first one, I repeat the second.

"What do you need, Rose," my voice hold irritation. She blinks twice before responding.

"I was just checking to see if you were going to come to eat with us," she crosses her arms. "Reiner and the others are already there. They have been for a while."

Smiling to myself as I think of the muscular blond, I quickly slip my knife into my boot and start towards the mess hall with Rose. Just as we had yesterday, we see another wagon full of former recruits rolling back towards the landfills. They'd not passed the aptitude test. Just like Rose and the suicidal boy from Shiganshina.

Getting my food, I smile and take a seat across from Reiner. Rose sits next to me in front of Bertolt. We're only offered small smiles as everyone eats. In the background, we hear the boy from Shiganshina requesting aid in learning how to stay upright from everyone around him. While he pretends that he's not listening, I can tell how interested Reiner is. I can't help but have pity on him.

"Forgive me if this comes of rude," Bertolt starts, looking up at Rose and I from his potato, "but why do you guys want to join the military?"

His question catches me off guard completely, though Rose seems to have been waiting to be asked this question again. "Humanity has lived in fear long enough," she declares. "I want to join the Scouting Legion and reclaim our freedom and dignity."

He nods his acknowledgement of her reason. "Aren't you afraid though? Of being eaten or killed?"

She bites her lip slightly, preparing an answer. "I think…I think that such a sacrifice has to be made. If everyone gave into their fear of the titans, there'd be no one to fight them. Then we'd truly be sheep waiting to be slaughtered."

"What about you, (F/N)?" Reiner asks me, ending Annie's aloofness.

"I was raised by a member of the scouts," I admit, "so enlisting was always the plan since day one. However…there's someone from my childhood that I need to find. So that's what I plan to do," I shrug, taking a bit of my bread.

Reiner's golden orbs search my (E/C) ones for a moment. "So…you're willing to sacrifice yourself just to find someone?" He questions, his tone high in shock. I hold his gaze, pursing my lips. "If that's what it comes to, I suppose."

"Well, I can't say that I don't admire your persistence, but there are three branches. How do you know where this person is?"

"His jacket bore the Wings of Freedom," I answer quickly. "I'll be joining the Survey Corps as well."

He nods, understanding that I don't want to be bothered any longer with his questions.

The remainder of our meal is spent with small talk while we listen to Eren Yeager beg and plead people to help him. After a while of chatter and air of laughter, the bell outside rings and we all flood out of the dining area. Rose's strange solemness returns as she trudges to the dorms. I try to follow but am stopped by a hand latching onto my arm.

"(F/N), wait!" A nervous voice asks. I turn around to meet the turquoise eyes of the beggar. My face scrunches up into a scowl.

"Get your filthy hand off of me," I yank my arm from him. "What the hell do you want?"

"(F/N), please! I saw you! You're an expert at it so maybe you can help me! Is there any advice you could give? Anything at all to help me?"

For only a brief second, guilt tinges at my heart. Had I not other obligations…

"I'm sorry, Yeager, but I can't help you," I dismiss and continue walking. A sound of defeat escapes his lips as his friend Armin tries to comfort him.

My mind races back to Reiner and earlier-

Of course! Reiner!

"Wait! Eren," I turn around. He looks up with eyes filled with newfound hope at the sound of his name. "Maybe you could ask Reiner or Bertolt? They both stayed up well."

His entire face lights up and without so much as a thank you, he races to the boys' dormitory.

Entering my own, I see Rose laying silently on her side as all of the others gossip on one another's beds and ready to go to sleep.

"Rose," I speak roughly, glaring down at her weak figure. She wipes tears from her eyes before sitting up and looking at me. "Yes?" She squeaks, her voice wavering.

"Get dressed in your uniform," I order flatly. Without so much as a sound of protest, she starts to put on the white pants. I help her buckle the straps so we can get as much time as possible.

"Where are we going?" She finally asks, wiping her eyes once more. Throwing my cloak over my shoulders to somewhat defend myself from the cold of the night, I grab a lantern before dragging her out of the dorm.

"(F/N), where are we going?" She asks once more.

"Tch, I can't let you just fail," I mutter under my breath. She hears this and immediately smiles, her fear of dismissal vanishing.


	6. Chapter Five

"I call top!"

"Not if I get to it first!"

Two bodies rush towards the top bunk of an unoccupied bed. Each time one gets closer than the other, the cadet farther behind yanks her down or pulls her back in order to gain the upper hand.

Mikasa, Rose and I watch the two from Rose's top bunk on the other side of the room, along with a couple of other girls, fight with little amusement. Just this morning, the two sisters that had occupied the spots ran away during one of the drills using the ODM gear. Both cadets and instructors alike watched them from the tree branches, mocking their weakness. Instructor Shadis barely blinked an eyelash at it.

"Why didn't you two try to get it?" I question, keeping my tone one of disinterest. Rose casts a quick glance at me, playfully rolling her eyes. Mikasa holds the usual emotionless look in her eyes. Swiftly turning my head back, I realize that Sasha Braus sleeps on that side of the room. My face almost instinctively scrunched up. That's why they didn't want the bunk.

Over the last year, everyone has been competing to be high in the ranks. Admitted by the majority of the people here, everyone had joined in hopes of being in the top ten so that they could join the Military Police. This would mean safety from the threat of titans and a lush life of hardly any work.

So far, Mikasa is leading the group in first place. Reiner follows close behind her in second and serves as the brotherly figure to everyone else in the 104th Cadet Corps.

About three months into my enlistment, around the same time that I became involved with Reiner, Instructor Shadis had insisted I move up and join the 103rd Cadet Corps. His argument was simply that I'd already perfected everything that was to be taught in the first year. While this was questionable, considering I'd yet to make an absolutely precise incision in a nape of one of the titan targets, I agreed just so that I could move to a better barrack. Both Reiner and Rose opposed the idea, knowing that they'd hardly get to see me, but reluctantly granted their blessings after forcing me to swear that I'll sneak out to see them from time to time. Naturally, I did this less with Rose and more with Reiner.

"What is it like with the 103rd's?" Rose asks me, watching as rain drops from the ceiling into a pan in the middle of the floor. "Is it more of a challenge?"

"No, not really," I admit. Lightning strikes down in the sparring field, filling the room with blinding white light. Thunder roars viciously over the splashing rain, shaking the earth. "We do everything you do, for the most part. I think we're just honing the skills more-"

"So you're starting to hit the targets correctly now?" Mikasa inquires, her voice monotonous. "Because you always cut too deep."

"No, but apparently Shadis and the others think I am, since I've moved to first in the class," I click my tongue. "Kinda miss the simplicity of being here with you guys though. I wasn't forced to talk to anyone if I didn't want to."

"Reiner's been boasting about you," Rose informs, starting to swing her legs. "He says that the commanders of the branches have come to watch you. Is that true?"

"Tch. Reiner is such a liar," I say as I jump down from my spot on Rose's bunk so they don't see me blush. "I suppose I should go see him since it's been a couple of weeks since I have seen him. I'll see you guys later."

Without bothering to look back at them, I toss on my cloak and swagger out of the room and into the thunderstorm. The once dry and cracked dirt that made up the paths to every building is now mud that grows deeper and deeper by each passing hour. Though I can hardly see it through the heaviness of the downpour, pieces of plywood have been put down in front of the stairs to the boy's dormitory.

"Tch."

Grabbing onto a wooden pillar, I stretch my foot down into the thick slosh to see just how deep it really is. Not being as horrible as I thought, I slide off of porch and into the mud. My boots sink so far that my entire foot is almost covered. Either out of disgust or from being cold, I shiver and take off into a sprint.

In my rush, I don't notice how fast I'm actually moving and come onto the plywood too fast. If I jump, I'll either go sliding through the mud or end up splashing it all over and Shadis will make me clean it; but if I stop now, I'll get stuck and have a face full of filth.

Huffing, I go with the first option and am quick to realize that that was a mistake. My body goes soaring through the air and at the porch to the boy's dorm. I completely miss the plywood and hit my head against the top stair, filling my sight with stars.

"What the hell?" A husky voice questions from behind the flimsy door. When it creaks open, I am presented mud covered boots. Groaning, I start to pick myself up but am spared the trouble with the help of two muscular arms. It's only then do I realize that I've lost one of my shoes.

Bashfully, I look up to meet my boyfriend's concerned gaze.

"Are you alright?" He chokes on a laugh. "What are you doing here?"

I take a moment to look over him. His blonde hair is drenched with rain and his white pants are stained with brown, almost black, dirt. His cloak is also soaked, as if he's been running around outside all morning.

A smirk breaks out onto my face. "Did you try to come and see me?"

His golden eyes widen in embarrassment. Instinctively, he rubs the back of his neck and looks away from my (E/C) eyes. "Well yeah, but as you can see, that didn't work out too great for me…"

"I'm flattered," I start, pushing strands of wet (H/C) locks out of my eyes. "I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever."

Pulling down my hood, I take a seat on the highest step. Reiner soon follows and I rest my head on his broad shoulder. "I don't see the storm passing anytime soon," he replies gently, "so we have all day. What do you want to do?"

"Considering the storm, there isn't a whole lot we can do. However," I emphasize, craning my neck to peer up into his warm orbs. A soothing warmth fills my being merely by looking at him and I feel completely at peace, just as I had back at the Scout Regiment headquarters before the fall of Wall Maria. "However, I do happen to have an entire dorm to myself for the next day and a half. We could go there maybe?"

A devilish smirk crosses his face as he looks out at the rain. "You really think you can make it? Even without one of your boots?" He gestures to my sock.

"No, but I'm not walking," I yawn, standing to stretch. "You're going to be carrying me- Hey!" I squeal as I'm lifted and tossed over Reiner's shoulder. Without any kind of warning, he dashes off of the porch and down the washed away path towards my barrack. Not once does he falter. Trying to surpass Mikasa when I was a cadet in the 104th, I'd forgotten completely that Reiner was right behind me. Not only is he extremely strong, but he has the endurance of a titan.

"Hmph!" He grunts, leaping up the stairs to my dorm. Lowering me back to my feet, I swipe a quick peck to his lips and start wiping his face with a handkerchief.

"C'mon, let's go inside," he suggests, removing his dirty boots and leaving them on the porch. He tosses my left one that I had abandoned on the floor next to his. In comparison, mine looks like that of a child's.

Just as he takes the knob into his hand, I remember why exactly I'd gone to retrieve him. "Wait!" I gasp, sliding in front of him. "Close your eyes."

His brow furrows. "Why? What's going on, (F/N)?"

"Oh, don't worry. It's nothing bad," I promise and take his large hand in mine before opening the door and pulling him in with me. Slipping my hand out of his, I unclasp the wet green cloak that covers my upper body and toss it to the floor. When I reach out to remove his, his pale eyes shoot open to my hand at his chest.

Heat rises to my cheeks and I look away bashfully. Taking my hand in his once more, he removes the cloak in a fluid motion.

"Lay with me," I whisper, hardly loud enough for him to hear. I lay back on my bed on my side with my back to the wall. He follows suit, facing me.

We lay silently for a long time, neither one of us daring to disturb the peace. Our eyes never leave one another and I'm filled with anxiety. My heart beats a thousand times a minute in my chest as my breath begins to waver.

For the past eleven months, any time that we were able to steal away from everyone and enjoy solitude together, I would get unreasonably nervous. Perhaps it is the thrill of our relationship. We know that the severity of a punishment from Shadis will be immeasurable, which only makes meeting that much more exhilarating and sweet.

Perhaps it is my astonishment at how something so innocent could turn so reprehensible so quickly. Initially just a friendship that involved the occasional flirting during training or in the dining hall, we eventually started sneaking out at night to visit one another at a stream near the training grove. Small, meaningless pecks and jokes became kisses and words of affection.

On many occasions, it had nearly become something much more.

I'm jarred from my thoughts as I continue to gaze into his bright eyes. There is a new look within them. It is a look of inquisition and I immediately realize what he's asking me.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he closes the gap between us and brushes his slightly chapped lips against mine. Lifting his leg to the other side of me, he looms over me. His calloused hand traces the waistband of my pants, stopping in the middle and unbuttoning them.

"Are you sure?" He questions, his volume the same as mine had been.

"I am," I'm quick to respond, my voice thick with emotion.

Sitting up, the wordlessly removes his shirt and pants, discarding them like trash on the floor before putting his full attention on me. Retuning to my pants, he helps me slide them down to my ankles and off to the thrown into the pile. He then begins to unbutton my shirt.

Dipping down, he caresses my neck, trailing kisses down to my collarbone. His left hand smoothly trails down my side, brushing a small breast on his way down to my last article of clothing. When he finally arrives, he hangs his index finger on the waistband. He looks back up at me, questioning one last time if I wish to continue.

I nod.


	7. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! So that it doesn't get ridiculously confusing, I've made this story into a series with another story titled Midnight. That one covers the background of the reader's mother. Check it out if you haven't already!

"Supposedly, the halls are haunted at night by the spirits of everyone who has been eaten or left behind," Jean Kirstein claims to his group of peers from his usual table in the middle of the mess hall. Around him sits Marco, Sasha, Connie, Mina Carolina, and of course Rose Romano. All eyes are wide and full of interest in his tale.

"I wonder what hall," Connie questions aloud.

Glancing at one another, Reiner and I walk over to the their table and sit. Bertolt and Annie soon follow. "What are you guys talking about?" I inquire, nodding at Rose before turning my attention back to Jean. For a moment, his honey colored eyes gawk in a surprised manner at mine before quickly composing himself.

"The ghosts of the Scout Regiment," he answers with a smirk.

"Oh? What makes you think that there are ghosts?" I ask casually, dipping a piece of my bread into the watery soup.

Connie and Sasha both turn and stare at me in disbelief. "How have you not heard about the ghosts? Didn't you used to live at the headquarters?"

"And?" Reiner interjects, crossing his arms. "If she hasn't heard about the ghosts and she lived there, that should tell you that there aren't any."

Jean's arrogant smirk only grows as more people crowd around the table. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Eren Yeager's turquoise eyes narrowing at me. Mikasa watches in her usual blank way. "Well, Ackerman, is it true?" Jean starts again, leaning his head forward. " _Are_ the halls haunted?"

I take a long sip from my cup before I respond. "The story about the dorm halls being haunted is just something that the veteran officers tell the newbies to keep them from roaming after curfew," I reveal. Immediately, all of the excitement in the air vanishes. "However, from personal experience, I know that it's not a myth.

"What?" They question with wide, curious eyes. Now, I've even caught Mikasa's attention.

I force myself not to show any type of emotion, one of the many skills I had become in expert in thanks to my father. "The most notorious wing in the entire headquarters is the fourth wing. At the end of the hall, like every hall, is an office for a squad leader. That office has been vacant since the beginning of the twelfth commander's leadership. No one wants to be assigned to that hall because ever since that office was vacated, no one who lives in that wing has survived an expedition-"

"What about the ghost though?" Mina presses. I shoot her a thunderous look before continuing.

"I didn't know about any of that when I first arrived there so one day, when I went roaming, I ventured off into the fourth wing. When I turned the corner to go down the hall, standing right in front of the office was a tall woman with long black hair. She had on her cloak as if she'd just gotten back from an expedition."

For a long time, no one speaks. Ymir wraps a protective arm around Krista as the girl shakes in fear. Rose and Mina stare at me with their mouths agape. Reiner and Bertolt look at one of each other in disbelief.

Eren's hands abruptly slam against the table, making everyone except for myself jump. "Did you see her face? What happened after that?"

"Tch," I click my tongue, sipping my tea once again. "A cadet came and got me before I could see her face clearly, but I remember that she waved. She waved right as we turned to leave."

Reiner's heavy arm wraps around my waist loosely, pulling me closer to him.

"What about the ghost of Briarworth Manor?" Rose speaks in a quiet tone, as if saying such words will cause us to be cursed. "Has anyone heard of that one?"

Everyone's attention turns to her. She blushes a deep shade of pink when she notices Jean's eyes on her. "Briar what?" He asks.

A small and confident smirk falls onto her face as she rests her elbows on the table. "Briarworth Manor. It's in the Ehrmich District of Wall Sina," she introduces. "It was the home of the late Carmen Howard."

An audible gasp escapes the entirety of the mess hall. This peaks my interest. Apparently, I'm the only one who has no idea of who that is.

"No one in the district dares to travel past the manor after the sun begins to set. Rumor has it that she can be seen roaming the garden area inside the gates at night."

"What about the groundskeeper?" Sasha interrogates, wild eyes narrowed at Rose as she munches on her potato. "He's from my village and they say that he's still there!"

Reiner grunts in disbelief. "He was the only one who survived the attempted retrieval of the Survey Corps Headquarters outside of the walls of Field Marshal Howard's squad. Even she didn't."

"You know about this too, Reiner?" I ask, feeling even more excluded. Closing his eyes, he nods deeply.

"He was an old man when that happened though. I doubt he's still alive."

Murmurs fill the air, once again as if speaking about whoever this woman is supposed to be. Everyone argues amongst themselves about the Marshal's hometown, wanting to claim that they're from the same place.

Looking down at my tray again, I bite my lip.

Why is it that everyone, even Reiner, knows who this person is and I don't?

His sharp elbow jams into my side to grab my attention. I turn to glare at him but notice Instructor Shadis' looming figure standing in the doorway. His cold, beady eyes stop each and every one of us right in our tracks. Searching over each table, his eyes fall onto me.

Knowing better than to keep sitting, I shoot out of the seat and salute him. "Sir!"

"You've got ten minutes to get your shit from the barracks and be in my office," he booms in his deep voice. For only a split second, his expression slightly softens.

"(F/N), what's going on?" Reiner questions when Shadis leaves, his brows furrowing in confusion. "Did something happen?"

"I-I don't know," I stammer against my will. In my rush, I accidentally knock over my half empty cup. The black liquid swiftly covers the table, running off of the edges and dripping onto the floor.

"Dammit! Hah…sorry."

"We'll clean it up," Reiner insists. Bertolt has already started to wipe up the hot tea for me. "Go get your stuff and see what Shadis wants."

Mumbling an apology once again, I sprint across the yard to my dorm. Majority of the other girls are in the showers at the moment and I'm not interrupted. Gathering the few belongings I have, I toss them into my small bag and dash to Shadis' office with not a minute to spare.

Inhaling sharply, I raise my fist to knock on the door.

"Name and business," he calls out gruffly.

"(F/N) Ack-"

"Hurry up and come in already."

My usual frown falls onto my face as I push open the door. Almost instantly, the scent of alcohol fills my nostrils. Forcing myself not to snarl, I take a step further into the room and close the door.

Instructor Keith Shadis sits on the corner of his desk beside a mountain of paperwork. In his hands is a brown confidential file thick with papers - undoubtedly about me. Sitting in a chair in front of him is bald old man with a distinctive mustache and prominent forehead wrinkles. He sits with his legs crossed and a metal flask in his right hand. Hearing me take another step forward, he twists his body to look at me.

His soft golden eyes search over me briefly, inspecting before a confident smile falls onto his lips. Only then do I notice the red roses patched onto his jacket before seeing a glimpse of a bolo tie.

He is the Commander of the Garrison.


	8. Chapter Seven

“Many people automatically assume that the Garrison Regiment is comprised of drunkards who want to freeload off of society,” a soldier with short brown hair talks to me as we ride closer to Wall Rose’s exterior wall. To my left is a female Garrison member with shaggy blonde hair and thin framed glasses. She wears a similar expression as Mikasa.

“Or just too cowardly to join the Scouting Legion,” I add coolly. Ever since being forced to enlist in the Garrison in Shadis’ office, my scowl has not left my face.

“Which is just completely untrue!” He counters. “We are fiercely devoted to protecting humankind.”

I move strands of (H/C) locks from in front of my eyes, following behind Commander Pixis. “Really? I don't recall such devotion during the fall of Wall Maria,” I point out, glancing at both soldiers. The Commander remains silent.

“The Garrison is little better than the Military Police-”

“Quite a bit has changed since then, Cadet Ackerman,” the woman cuts in. Her voice is flat and dismissive. “Our regiment is comprised of capable and competent individuals. You won't find the former characteristics.”

When I don't respond, the man takes this as a sign for him to continue. While he talks about the different duties of a member of the Garrison, I think back on my meeting with Instructor Shadis and Commander Pixis.

“After reviewing your file and Instructor Shadis’ particularly lengthy notes on you, the Commander-in-Chief and I agreed that your skills would be best utilized by the Garrison,” the old man informs me. There's a smug smirk tugging at his wrinkly face. He pulls a metal flask from his jacket and downs half of its contents.

He is either a nervous drinker or an alcoholic.

“I'm being punished for doing well?” I ask, folding my arms like a child about to throw a tantrum.

“Not a damned punishment,” Shadis says once again, glowering at me. “A punishment would be sending you out to fatten some titans.”

“I'd rather be eaten than sit on a wall all day and slowly die of boredom,” I retort, turning my attention back to the Commander of the Garrison Regiment. “Can I decline the offer?”

A hackle of a laugh escapes his lips as he smiles widely. It is as if I've told him a joke. “Of course you can decline,” he confirms. Shadis remains unamused. “I wouldn't, but that's just me.”

“And why is that?” I ask lifting a recently trimmed brow.

He pauses for a moment too long. “I enjoy being free far too much.”

My blood runs cold through my veins. Commander Pixis doesn't need to elaborate for me to take the hint.

“…Fine. Seeing as I don't have much of a choice.”

“You'll be serving under the direction of Captain Kitz Weilman in the 1st Division Elite Force,” the woman informs me as we stop. Dismounting a soldier takes the reins from me to return the horse to the stalls. Commander Pixis, flask in hand, saunters away in the company of a brown haired woman who'd also been escorting the him.

I follow behind the blonde soldier with glasses as she leads me through a grass path in between two buildings. We pass by the dining hall almost immediately. Through a window, I see the men and women of the Stationary Guard casually eating and socializing with one another. Rather than having changed into everyday clothes like we did back in training, they're all still in uniform.

It's not much different from the way supper was with the Scout Regiment.

“The Commander ordered for you to be placed in the women’s dormitory in the closest vicinity to his individual office. He wants to make sure that you feel comfortable and know that he is available to you as a resource,” she speaks. Her voice is flat and formal.

We walk a few minutes more before stopping at a dorm. Opening the door, she steals a glance at me before stepping aside. I throw any type of caution or nervousness to the wind as I enter the empty room. Every bed is made to perfection. In the far right corner, a jacket with the insignia of the Garrison Regiment lies on the end of a bed alongside a green cloak.

“Disregard the jacket and cloak,” she hurries over to remove them. “Rather than waiting until we knew what size you needed, Commander Pixis assumed that you were like Captain Levi of the Scout Regiment. Obviously, we were wrong to assume kinship between the two of you.”

“He is my father, but not biological.”

She nods her head before turning to look at the window. The sun has just moved behind the wall, engulfing the evening sky in an orange glow and making the clouds appear violet and pink. Atop the wall, soldiers trade places with one another: ending one shift and starting another.

“If you're ready, we can head to the dining hall. I'm sure you're hungry by now.”

“No,” I decline with an audible sigh. “I'm not hungry. If it'd be possible though, I'd like to go shower. It's been a long day.”

“Yes, of course. They're three doors down on the right-hand side.”

With a curt nod, she turns on her heels and leaves.

* * *

 

“Since the cadet corp for this year has already graduated, you'll be playing a game of catch up,” a woman in my squadron tells me. We stand on top of Wall Rose cleaning the cannons. Down below, hundreds of citizens line the streets in preparation for the Scouting Legion’s departure.

I swab out the bore of each cannon as she pushes in a charge of powder. The man in our group pushes wadding down into it so that it's ready for use when the Scouts return from their expedition today. “What do I need to know besides how to swab and spot titans? My tasks aren't exactly tedious.”

“I hope you weren't expecting this to be like the other branches,” the man interjects. He speaks with the same amount of cockiness as Oluo. “Unfortunately, the Garrison isn't full of psychopaths like the Survey Corps or flashy idiots like the Military Police. Sorry to disappoint you.”

“Hostile much, Zegler? I mean, God, do you have to be such an ass?”

The two bicker amongst each other for the remainder of the morning. We rotate once so that we don't grow lazy and prepare the cannons incorrectly. When the sun is high in the sky and the Scouts are parading through the streets toward the outer gate, we decide to stop and take a break.

I take a seat on the edge of the wall with my legs dangling off. The wind blows (H/C) strands into my eyes as my ascot flutters in the wind though I pay little attention to either of them. Fervently, my eyes roam the approaching Regiment for my beloved squad leader.

“Who ya lookin’ for?” The woman, whose name I've learned is Jade, plops down to my right. Begrudgingly, Zegler sits to my left. “Is your boyfriend down there?”

“Tch.”

“Whelp,” Zegler starts, laying back with his arms folded behind his head, “enjoy your last look. He's as good as gone. Or she, if you're into that.”

“Zegler!”

He shrugs his shoulders with a yawn. His expression is content as he basks in the sun.

Finally, I notice a glorious crown of dirty blond hair and green shirt coming up the line behind Hanji. Mike stares straight ahead at the gate before him. Though I can't see his face, I imagine him wearing his usual look of indifference. I know that he's taking in all of the scents around him.

I smile to myself at the thought of him happening to glance up. Would he even be able to see me? If he did, would it at all matter to him? What if he waved at me?

“Which one is it, anyway? He graduate with you?”

“No,” I deny. The horses come to a halt as the Scouts stand before the wall. Some are crying. Some are praying. Others shift eagerly in their saddles waiting for their Commander to commence the expedition.

“Sit back or you'll fall off.”

Just before I do, I catch sight of Commander Smith. Though I can't be certain due to the extreme amount of distance between us, I feel his eyes on me as he gazes up the wall. It’s as if he's expecting me. Behind him, my father looks forward at Wall Rose’s gate. He doesn't know that I'm up here.

My smile fades.

The wall begins to shake violently. The gate ever so slowly begins to rise from the earth beneath it. When the gate is fully opened, he lifts his sword proudly into the air and shouts the commencement of the expedition. His white stallion lurches forward in a full gallop and is followed by the rest of the army.

“What a waste,” the man clicks his tongue. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a field ration. “In all these years of operation, they've only had one successful expedition. All those lives for nothing.”

I raise an eyebrow questioningly. “What do you mean? The Survey Corps have discovered a lot of useful information about the titans. Everything we know is because of them.”

“They've only been outside of the walls once and no one died. That was almost twenty years ago.”

“A myth!” Jade declares, crossing her arms. She picks up her equipment and starts swabbing the remaining cannons. “That's not possible.”

“I swear on my life it's true!”

“If Keith Shadis was commanding at the time, then that's a damned lie.”

He raises his hand to put over his heart. “I promise you. He was the official Commander of the Scouting Legion but he didn't command that particular expedition,” he informs, turning to look at me. His eyes narrow into slits as his brows furrow. “Say, have you ever heard of someone named Carmen? Carmen Howard? You sort of look like her,” he smirks as if trying to scare me.

I almost laugh, knowing he's full of it now. “Yeah, the ghost stories. Why?”

Finishing his ration, he starts putting powder into the cannons that Jade’s swabbed. I push wadding down into them before loading them. “Yep. That's the one. She's led an expedition outside the walls once and there were no casualties. That was the one and only time.”

“Zegler, stop lying! You're full of shit and you know it.”

“Besides, if that were true then she'd be commanding instead of Commander Smith. Shadis would have been forced to resign and she'd have taken his place,” I add. “You really shouldn't lie. You aren't very good at it.”

“I'm not- ugh! Fuck it! I don't care anymore. You don't have to believe me. It's not like either of you were even alive at the time anyway.”

Jade continues to make comments to Zegler long after we've finished and are on our way down the wall to change shifts with another squad. I take one last look at the fleeting backs of soldiers of the Survey Corps. Their green cloaks blow elegantly in the wind as the Wings of Freedom wave brilliantly.

Longing weighs down my heart. I could've been like them - riding through the untamed lands beyond the wall. Oh, how it must feel to have the wind blowing through your hair and whipping your face while you ride without bounds. How it must feel to be free!

For the next two years, I'm going to be stuck here cleaning cannons on top of the wall. I'll be forced to watch as my father, Hanji and Mike go out and explore the lost lands of Wall Maria without me. I've sworn to serve the Garrison until then.

When those two years pass though and the 103rd’s graduate, I will trade my roses in for wings.


	9. Chapter Eight

It had been years since the Colossus Titan had appeared and destroyed Wall Maria. Since then, the Stationary Guard has worked nonstop to ensure the safety of citizens in the event of its reappearance. Under Captain Weilman, we know the evacuation instructions like the back of our hands. It has become second nature.   
  
A delightful surprise came to me atop the wall early this morning. Some of the cadets of the 103rd joined me. Everyone had grown so much since I'd last seen them. Mina Carolina is as eager as ever. Thomas Wagner is less cowardly than he had been when first accosted by Instructor Shadis.   
  
Eren Yeager… nothing about him has changed. Nothing at all.   
  
As per usual the daily schedule, we got stuck preparing the cannons. Eren and Connie are in a discussion about joining the Scouting Legion.   
  
“Don't be embarrassed. He's not the only one,” Thomas Wagner walks up, blushing bashfully. I cock an eyebrow, that being the only indication that I'd been listening to their conversation.   
  
“Thomas… You don't mean…?”  
  
“While you clowns all live out your fantasies of slaughtering titans, I'll be here prepping these cannons,” I speak out. “All by myself. Like now…”  
  
“Hey, what happened to you joining the Scouts?” Mina turns to me with a smug smile. “Did you always talk about that being the only branch worthy of being in?”  
  
“Tch. It is the only branch worthy of being in. I simply wasn't given the privilege.”  
  
“You've been outside of the walls before! I saw you riding with them once. Not too long ago actually,” Eren notes. His green eyes shine with a certain ferocity - even more so than they had when I'd been a trainee.   
  
Before I get the chance to respond, Sasha Braus walks towards our group with a crazed look about her. She hides something in her jacket.  
  
“Um, everyone?” She looks around one last time before a large amount of meat. She explains that she's brought it from the officer’s storehouse. “We can all share it later-”  
  
“Oi, I'm beginning to wonder whether or not you are insane or just simply an idiot,” I sigh, not bothering to stop and give her my undivided attention. “You know that as an officer, I'm going to have to report this?”  
  
“(F/N),” Thomas’ voice wavers in surprise. Everyone has turned to look at me. Their eyes are widen in disbelief. “Y-you wouldn't! You couldn't do that!”  
  
I shrug, finishing the last of the cannons. “I could. It's my duty as a team leader. Fortunately though,” I smirk, “I don't care about the higher-ups enough to report you. Have fun with your meat.”  
  
“Team leader?” Eren questions. Connie laughs. “So much for joining the Scouts.”  
  
“Get back to work, brats. Or you'll be found out and we'll all be in for it-”  
  
A loud crash interrupts my speech. We all stare off the wall dumbfounded.   
  
_The Colossus Titan._   
  
By the time I realize it's intent, the giant humanoid’s leg is already sailing through the air coming towards the wall.   
  
“Hook in!” I shout. Just then the wall quakes beneath us. A wave of dirt and debris comes racing towards, throwing several of the cadets from the wall.   
  
I jump from the top of the wall, sinking my hooks into its side face. There, my former classmates are all trying to regain their bearings. I had six, but I only count five.   
  
“Samuel!”  
  
The brunet boy is plummeting down the wall, unmoving.   
  
Racing down the wall, Sasha sinks one of her hooks into his calf.   
  
“Is everyone alright?” I yell over the commotion.  
  
“T-the wall… It’s broken!”  
  
“It's happening again!”  
  
“The Titans are going to get in!”  
  
A silence looms over us. Only the whipping of the wind speaks. Footsteps begin to grow closer.   
  
“Mounted Cannon Maintenance Squad Four! The target is the Colossus Titan dead ahead!” Eren yells, swinging around to go attack the titan.   
  
“Eren, no!” I shout, readying myself to follow him. I stop midair, remembering that I have five other lives to worry about.   
  
However, I can't let him fight it alone.   
  
“Let's go!” I order the cadets, deciding to follow Eren.   
  
When we reach the top of the wall, both Eren and the titan are gone.   
  
He comes back to the top of the wall with Connie and Thomas. I stand on the edge facing the city. Soon, it shall be flooded with titans and dead people.   
  
“We need to get to headquarters now. The Response Operation is already underway,” I order my handful of cadets. As I'm responsible for their lives while up here, I'm not going to let them just stand and gawk at the titans.   
  
We make it back long before they break through the vanguard. Everyone is in complete disarray. I see Mikasa standing with Eren and go over.   
  
“I trust you both received your assignments from Captain Weilman?” I ask, my tone entirely too calm. I finish tying my windswept (H/C) locks into a ponytail before crossing my arms. “Regardless,” I start again before anyone responds, “I have special orders for Mikasa. You'll be joining me in the rear guard today.”  
  
Her grey eyes widen, though I'm unable to tell if it's from shock or the idea of being separated from Eren.   
  
I suppose it doesn't really matter though.   
  
“I'm not skilled enough! I'll only be a burden.”  
  
“We're behind schedule as is. They've already begun to infiltrate the city. If we don't move quickly, they'll be right on top of us eating the citizens. Pull your shit together and let's go.”  
  
I turn my back and head out to assist with the evacuation. The entirety of Wall Rose’s population is hysterics. Mothers cradle their children and whisper empty reassurances in their ears. The men argue over how far away the titans are and who is going to perish first.   
  
Merchants try to bride us into allowing them to pass through first with their goods. I watch as a few of my comrades shamelessly accept their coins.   
  
“Hey, you! Get me to the front of the line and I'll cut you a profit once we get into the inner wall. What do you say?”   
  
I raise an eyebrow curiously. He completely lacked discretion and now every man, woman, child and soldier is staring at me. As if unsure that he's speaking to me, I make a gesture.   
  
He nods.   
  
“You're going to pay me to let you through the gate?”   
  
“Well don't just stand there like a fool! Help me!”  
  
Within seconds, I've drawn my blade and am standing it's length’s distance away from the man. Beads of sweat dribble down his blotchy skin. The wiry strands of hair above his lip resemble the whiskers on a cat. Beady brown eyes look down at me with a mixture of both fear and wonder.   
  
One of his lackeys, a sickly looking young man places a hand on his shoulder, warily glancing at me. “Sir, that's Captain Levi’s daughter. Perhaps it best-”  
  
“Nay, I ain't scared of this bitch,” he gulps, taking a step forward. I unsheathe one of my swords, lifting it to sit under his chin. This earns a collective gasp from our audience along with a few murmurs of disapproval. Neither of the other officers step in to stop me.   
  
“It'd been wise to listen to him. I'll have to punish you now,” I frown. Holding his gaze, I slide my blade across one of his stockpiles of grain. The incision is small, but enough to make his goods pour from its bag onto the dirty ground. Before he has the opportunity to react, I place the blade at his throat. A trickle of blood runs down the length of his neck. “You should concern yourself less with the threat of the titans. Even they won't kill you as terribly as I will if you insult me again. Now get in line like everyone else.”  


* * *

The next couple of hours move along smoothly. No titans are spotted coming anywhere near the gate, which means that the soldiers placed in the middle guard are handling their jobs well. Hopefully, it also means that the casualties are at a minimum.   
  
“Ackerman!”

Cables reel in as Jade and Zegler approach along with a squadron full of new members of the Garrison. These fresh recruits were some of the best in the 102nd and 103rd groups.

“You’ve been requested in the middle guard,” Zegler announces before I can properly salute them. “The cadet kids need some help if they’re gonna hold the titans back long enough for everyone to evacuate.”

I eagerly nod my head, excited for the opportunity to finally kill titans. To prove that my skills are being wasted in the Garrison.

“I understand. Any specific squadron?”

“No,” Jade says, looking over my shoulder to see for herself how many more need to evacuate. “Go anywhere you see they need reinforcement.”

Just before I’m about to jump off of the rooftop and advance into the city, she places a gentle hand on my shoulder. Brown eyes meet mine sadly, as if this is the last time that we’ll ever see one another.

Alive, anyway.

“Don’t go trying to be a hero, (F/N). They always die first.”

“Yeah,” Zegler chimes in. “Do your damned best to make it to sunset. If you can make it to then, you can make it until dark and live.”

“Good luck, Ackerman,” both salute me as I head off to earn my first kill. 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, the main character was going to be an OC of mine, but I figured it would be nice to make it reader-chan instead! I may just make it reader for Archive of Our Own though…
> 
> This and its entirety will be written on my iPad, so if there are any typos or any other mistakes, please let me know! Thank you for reading!


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